In the before times- before kids, 3 jobs, and taking care of a whole house - I had the BEST night time routine. It was glorious! At 8pm I would turn off my screens. I’d stretch, shower, relax. Drink calming tea, read a book, do word games. I’d be ready to sleep by 9:30! My body had enough time to down-regulate and let go of the stressors of the day. And I slept sooo well!
Then I started teaching pole dancing after work and some days I would teach until 9:30 pm. I had to adapt my schedule, but it was okay because I was having fun. Then I added on a partner. I kept teaching but had even less time for a lengthy night time routine. Next, I added on my 2 step kids, and then a new house. And somewhere along the way, my night time routine slipped completely. As I reflected on this recently, I realized how much this has impacted my mental and physical health. I realized how much I’ve been unconsciously scrambling to get this back. It was such a beautiful, and restful time.
Maybe this story is familiar to you. The story of taking on so much that you let go of the activities that you enjoy. Somehow, we tend to put others’ needs above our own and then we suffer for it.
Managing shifting priorities
I have a lot of interests, and a lot of priorities. Teaching pole dance, taking dance classes, learning to figure skate, maintaining a stretching routine, meditation and spiritual exploration, movement (including improving handstands, backbends, walkovers and one day getting an aerial), reading, painting. And that's just the stuff I want to do for fun. When you add in kids, a partner, a house and a full-time job (in a business that is solely your own where you do aaalll the work), life gets pretty hectic!
You may not do as much as me, or you may do more! Everyone has their own limits. So I know for you, it's the same. Different interests, different responsibilities perhaps. But the sense of overwhelm and our tendency to run straight towards burnout is well known to many. The desire to pursue your personal interests but not feeling like you can because of time and the long list of other things you have to do.
Have you noticed that if you prioritize a bunch of stuff, nothing ends up being a priority? And it can take so much more time to get those priorities done. And with so many priorities, what do we let slip? Some aspect of our mental or physical health.
As life goes on, we change, we grow. Priorities shift as our desires and goals shift. That's normal and good. However! If there is something that keeps you healthy, that must remain a priority. We can't take care of others when we don't feel good ourselves.
Your life should be FUN! Having a family and a home to take care of doesn’t mean you need to stop doing the things you love to do. You may have to shift things around or do things a little differently, but your enjoyment of life is always a priority! Always putting others’ needs above yours doesn’t make you stronger. You don’t need to suffer to help others thrive. It’s healthy to maintain boundaries and a self-care routine.
I want to share with you how I prioritized my SELF and got my night time routine back! These same steps will help you balance personal interests and family responsibility. It’ll help you get from thinking about all the things you wish you had time for to doing the things you want to do!
Balance personal interests and family responsibility
1)Reflect and Plan
This could very well be number one on all of my lists! It’s a simple and effective tool to control what you can.
List your priorities
Include deadlines
Omit nonessential activities
Start small. Add 1 new activity or behaviour change and integrate it into your life for a full month before adding another one. Even better, do it until it’s automatic and not something you drop as soon as things get busy.
2)Schedule the week before
On Friday or on the weekend before the new week starts, sit down with your calendar and slot in all the activities you want to do. Be as specific as you need to be
3)Allow yourself some flexibility
Life doesn’t necessarily follow a plan. Things will come up, they’ll change. And you’ll have to adapt. Especially if there are kids or a busy job involved (or both!). If things change, go back to your plan and modify it.
4)Surround yourself with positive and encouraging affirmations.
When I want to integrate a new habit or new thought pattern into my body, mind, and spirit, I surround myself with the energy. Sticky notes on the walls, scheduled alarms to motivate me when I need it. “Just do it.” “I Create my reality” “I’ll feel SO much better if I _____.” Choose anything that motivates you!
5)Follow through
Personally, this is where I struggled the most. I’m a GREAT planner! I’m also easily distracted, especially in the evening when my energy wanes. So when it comes to doing the thing every time, I need to put in a bit more effort. What about you?
What helps you follow through? A mantra? A mindset? Keeping negative thought patterns at bay?
6)Intention
This is what helps me go from planning to executing. Doing everything with intention. For example, writing this post. I’ve given myself one hour to write. That’s my focus. I tell my brain, “Okay, it’s time to concentrate on writing this. Let’s get it done! You’ll feel so accomplished after!”
An important element to doing things with intention is to remove distractions (phone! Put your phone away!!). Do what you can to help your brain stay focused on the ONE task.
7)Support and accountability
Have the courage to ask for help. For you to successfully integrate some personal interests into your life, you may need the help of others. And guess what! That’s OKAY! It’s a good quality to be able to ask for support. Especially if it’s to help your mental or physical health. Maybe you need to take an extra 30 minutes at lunch to incorporate physical activity and eat a proper meal. Ask your boss for support. Maybe you need time to yourself every morning before dealing with your kids. Ask your partner for support. Perhaps there’s an evening class you want to take every week. How can you make that work with the support of your partner or family?
This falls in with communicating your needs.
In terms of accountability, who can help you keep your personal interests top of mind? Someone who can encourage you to keep going and celebrate you as yuo succeed.
Include your family in the activities you enjoy.
8)Boundaries and saying no
Practice saying no to others so you can say yes to yourself. Figure out your boundaries and respect them.
9)Practice gratitude
Gratitude is the best attitude! Whether things go exactly as planned or you need to adjust your plan, think from a gratitude mindset. For example: “I wanted an hour to _____ but I only have 30 minutes. I’m grateful for these 30 minutes. This is how I’ll use the time with intention to make the most out of it…” Let “thank you” be at the top of your vocabulary. When things are frustrating, difficult, overwhelming…say thank you. There’s always something to be grateful for.
10)Let it go
Release control. As in, don’t try to control everything. Nothing has to be perfect. From my experience, this gives you more freedom to incorporate your own interests on the spot, and to seize little moments to focus on yourself. You don’t need to micromanage every moment in your home. Let go and let things play out without your direct influence.
Let go of any shame or feeling bad for focusing on yourself. You can’t give your energy to others ALL the time. Be an example of embracing life and pursuing your passions.
To wrap it all up
You can always go back to number 1 to reflect on how things are going and adjust your plan. You should do this every so often to make sure your interests remain a priority. And when you want to add another activity.
Incorporating all of these steps may take some time. Start with number one (possibly also number 2) and see how things go. Incorporate more steps as you feel comfortable (and not overwhelmed!).
From the bottom of my heart, I can tell you that you deserve to do the things you love. You deserve a fun, joyful, and fulfilling life. You are worthy and you are MORE than enough. Take the time to figure out what you want and make a plan. It might not be easy to get the plan in motion. You may have hurdles when it comes to committing to your plan. And you can absolutely overcome them and prioritize your needs.
So, what are you waiting for? Get out there and have some fun for YOU. Prioritize YOU.
Much love,
Andreana
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